Last when my cousin from the US came down for the first time to visit me, she saw candle stands around the house and mentioned as to why they must be kept there. I informed her that I put them out at Diwali. Well, Diwali was months ago, they should have been kept back inside she remarked. And I had no answer to that. My friend who visited me recently, remarked, “Your storeroom is in shambles! If my MIL sees this, she’ll throw away half the stuff out!” I tried to explain to her that it is because of my depression. Even I was not like this. The true picture of my house is clutter everywhere, my kitchen, my bedroom, my closet, my storeroom, etc. Actually, this is the true picture of depression. The only place that is not cluttered is perhaps my laptop, where I diligently store all my files organised as per sections and categories as they should be.
If such is the effect, there also has to be a cause causing that effect. Yes! The cause is chronic underlying fatigue. Chronic fatigue is one of the major symptoms of depression that has immense impact on a person’s ability to function effectively in his daily life. The person who suffers from chronic fatigue suffers from a general malaise, lethargy, lack of energy, disinterest in doing anything productive, wants to remain seated or lying, sleepiness, sadness, low self-esteem and confidence and may also suffer from a feeling of impending doom. He finds it hard to follow a routine and may overlook other health concerns that need to be addressed.
There are some of us who come under the so-called category of ‘high functioning’ depressives. While depression seriously limits a person’s functionality, these ‘high-functioners’ continue to push themselves to do the bare minimum. In such cases, these people are able to maintain their work schedules, their filing (as I described above in my case), attending to clients, even producing good results and being commended, going out to do chores at the last minute because you have been pushing them away so much that now your very survival depends upon their completion. However, these tasks are accomplished with great difficulty and great determination. At the end of it, these jobs also reward them by making them come out of depression temporarily until they get back into the same rut. And mind you! The very reason they’re out of depression, albeit temporarily, is because activation of behaviour is one of the best remedies of depression.
Since these ‘high-functioners’ are only able to accomplish the bare minimum, this also means that they cannot do tasks that require them to continuously focus and maintain that rigour to act productively and remain goal-oriented. There is absence of continued rigour that gives meaning to life. Various aspects of life such as maintaining your daily routine, engaging productively with social media to make your business grow, socializing and the day-to-day strife that is required to have a fulfilled life cannot be undertaken because of the malaise. This brings along poor handling of daily affairs, a lack of understanding from others and the resultant social stigma. People only see the outcome and judge others based on the net results that they produce. Despite being told that I am suffering from depression, they tend to overlook the fact that depression can be so debilitating and are quick to criticise.
This blog hence has been written from the perspective of being informed of the debilitating effects of depression. Who knows that the next person whose house you happen to visit is not a neat and clean as you would have it. But please pause before you make a comment. This may be the very person who actually needs your sympathetic ear and not your criticism. Because, criticism leads to the creation of a vicious negative cycle of events, wherein you criticise a person for lack of finesse and agility, which leads to more lack of finesse and agility, leading to further criticism, leading to still more lack of finesse and agility.
Keep smiling 😊 and lots of love from Aparna
